Making friends in your 40s and 50s in New York
Updated
Many people find that their forties and fifties bring a second wave of change. Children grow up and need less of your evenings. Careers shift. Some friends move away, others are absorbed in their own families, and a divorce or a move can reset a social life almost overnight. Wanting new friends at this stage is common, and you bring things to a friendship now that you did not have at 25.
You know what you want
By midlife, most people know what kind of company suits them: a long dinner rather than a loud bar, a walk rather than a party, one or two good conversations rather than a crowd. That clarity is an advantage. It makes it easier to choose plans you will enjoy and people who want the same.
Pick things that put you with the same people
- A class that runs for a term: a language, a cooking course, a lecture series.
- A choir, a book club or a walking group that meets every week.
- Volunteering with a regular shift, where you work alongside the same team.
- A sports club for adults: tennis, swimming, rowing, cycling.
Look for groups that welcome people at your stage of life. Many classes and clubs in New York skew older than the bars do, and that is no bad thing.
Turn acquaintances into friends
You probably know more people than you think: parents from school, neighbors, colleagues, people from your gym. Many of them are in the same position. The difference between an acquaintance and a friend is often just one invitation: a coffee, a gallery visit, dinner at your place. Make it specific and easy to accept.
Reconnect with people you lost touch with
Old friends are worth the awkward first message. People drift apart during the busiest years of work and family, and many are glad to hear from someone who knew them before. Suggest one plan rather than a long catch-up by text.
Give it time
New friendships at any age take repeated time together. If a group feels a little cool at first, go back two or three more times before you decide. Familiarity does most of the work.
If you would like to meet people one at a time, Simurgsu introduces you to people in Manhattan and nearby Brooklyn who chose the same kind of evening, with a five-minute call first and no public profile. It is for friendship, not dating.
